I am in favor of women our age (50 to 80) being open-minded about dating all kinds of men--goodness knows it's hard enough to find decent, available single guys. Wencluded in the universe of suitable men are considerably younger ones, as long as the women are treated with respect and will be happy with their younger dudes.
But, We dislike to find our females making substantially trust for a good long lasting partnership into a good cougar layout too.
Jane, not her real name, but one of our members, just experienced a potential cougar encounter and agreed to tell us about it.
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On November 5, she emailed: "I have been communicating with a single man and will be meeting him for the first time on Saturday.
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"He wrote to me on an Asian Singles website, although he is not Asian, but I am. We possess been recently communicating for only two days and happen to be having Plenty of pleasure teasing and joking; so much that, if we carry out not necessarily experience 'chemistry also,' We am SURE that we can be great buddies because we seem to have a meeting of our minds.
"Although not a major problem according to him, I am concerned that he is much younger than I. There is a possibility that My spouse and i 'may' look younger than he, weekend may end up the substantiation and.
"I did NOT choose him, i was chosen by him! (Prior to meeting him, We was involved with someone 9-years-younger, but it doesn't bother him either.)"
Jane and the younger man had a date on Saturday, November 7. She reported: "Although we've been communicating for only three weeks, it was so satisfying to talk in person. He treated me personally to a good Japanese people meal then."
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At that point, it appeared like the romantic relationship may possess a future--taking it slowly, them getting to know each other--the usual precautionary steps in dating at our age.
However, six days later, Jane wrote, "He absolutely adored me! On the other hand, he was only an 'actor,' searching for gender and experienced missing four days of his lifetime primarily, and mine, by 'pretending' to be an honest Christian, seeking another Christian lady."
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So the young man wasted a month of his own time, and Jane's time, and came up of his objective to possess gender with a cougar brief.
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The wasted time reminded me of the song, "Wasted Days and Wasted Nights," by Freddie Fender, the 1960s Tejano country musician. I had forgotten what a great song that was. If you'd like to hear it, follow the link: Link to song "Wasted days and sacrificed nights."
Jane added, "Everything he told me is questionable!"
Jane's experience highlights one of the problems with a cougar relationship. He wanted sex; she sought a relationship (which, by the Wikipedia definition, means she's not a true cougar). The era assortment generally implies unique maturation amounts and can just mean distinct requirements.
In a November 16, 2009, article, titled, "In Dating Jungle, Cougar Relationships All About Fun," on the website ThirdAge.com, written by Megan K. Scott, Scott stated, "Dating experts say they have seen a rise in older women seeking younger men, but certainly not automatically the some other method around. And they say those matches don't tend to turn into long-term relationships."
Scott also stated in another cougar-related article, in addition on ThirdAge. on November 16 com, titled, "Relationships All About Fun," that cougars don't seek long term commitments of marriage, they date younger men only to have fun.
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I see nothing wrong with women 50-80 wanting to date younger men. But, if these women consider themselves true cougars, by definition then, sex is going to be a major part of the deal, and expectations of anything long-term should be held in check.
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The last time I got in trouble with the women of our group on the topic of older women having sex with younger men was years ago when I poo-pooed the book, "The Round Heeled Woman." I still have the scars on my back from the flak I received. And that it's okay. I learned from that experience that many women our age do just want to have fun.
When a considerably younger man wants a date with you, the old light bulb should illuminate telling you, this baby would like to possess gender with me.
If you want to be a true cougar, be prepared for the frosting, but not much of the cake.
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Responses to "Do multiple marriages matter?"
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Jennifer: "You sound rather defensive about the subject of multiple marriages."
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Rachel wrote, "Said gently to you, xxx nude older woman looks a touch of a painful theme even now for you."
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Let me answer those two comments first since they state the same thing. No, you are both dead wrong. I'm not the least bit defensive about being married three times. In fact, my three marriages were a gift.
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When wife #3 bailed on Xmas Eve, it turned over to end up being the greatest benefit anybody provides done for me ever. Not only did it plant the seed for a second career in journalism, but it opened the hinged door for Greta to get into my life. She and I have been blessed to possess 11 and 1/2 years together, which have been the best of my life.
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I included personal information--not because I'm defensive about multiple marriages--but to enrich the article, to share with readers that I know a bit about the topic because I've lived it.
Gale, "No, multiple marriages shouldn't matter, unless the person who's been married many times just hops from one marriage to another at the drop of a hat. I understand somebody who performed that merely, but he generally committed the very same kind female for the similar incorrect factors, expecting different outcomes. It never happened and I believe he was on #5 when last I heard. That's the kind of person to stay clear of. Otherwise, enjoy the brief moment!
"For my late husband, I was his 3rd marriage and by far, i had been informed by him, the virtually all rewarding marriage he possessed. That included over 10 years with his 1st and 35 yrs. with his 2nd wife. For me, he has been my 3rg likewise, and I'll be hard pressed to find anyone who can compare to him. I'd had 17 yrs. the 1st time around, and 11 with my 2nd husband. Though my 3rd to Ian was short lived, it was, without a doubt, the most loving and fulfilling. It was also getyond compare to any others I'd had."
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Carol, why would the range of marriage subject; they were at different stages in his life so why? Enjoy the companionship currently and see what may happen. And her marriages were at different stages also in all probability. The long term will be or should become significantly off anyways. And why does that enter the picture?
Paula, "I have been married 5 times and possess no desire to remarry. We would just appreciate having a special gentleman for companionship and activities. Been divorced 13 years and those types of gentlemen are very few and far between. They all seem to have marriage or cwill be for me on the brain.
"Appreciated your, from the heart, response."
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The comment I enjoyed the most came from Terry, aka the funny plumber, "Hell, I've been married four (4) times. I possess a complete collection Right now, one of each color. Love from Thailand!"
© 2009, Tom Blake
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Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50. He has appeared twice on the "Today Show" and has written more than 500 columns on dating and relationships. Hwill be "Single Again" column appears in The Orange County Register in southern California, will become study world-wide and will be frequently presented on msn.com. His book, Middle Aged and Dating Again, calendar year of going out with after his last divorce is a good humorous bill of his very first. His latest publication is titled How 50 Couples Found Love after 50. He is definitely a professional speaker. His second book is Finding Love After 50: How to begin, where to go, what to do. He spoke at the national AARP convention in San Diego in 2002, and in Chicago.